A knight in shining armour? Stuff that, do you know how much polishing that takes!

I'm straddling the gap between feeling okay and complete depression... Don't push me...

I am trying to stay happyish, hopeful, ish, and everything though. It's just hard!

BTW, I created the site I was talking about. Three days work... Woot... Woot...
.: My site:.
The whole site in total is only like 50Kb, should be almost instant, even for us poor modem users

It really sucks, I couldn't go to Spiderman-2 today. It just came out... I'm on holidays... I haven't gone anywhere yet... I've literally stayed at home the whole time... I tried arranging it with my parents... And... For all that hard work... Nothing... At all... Except that really annoying feeling like you've just swallowed liquid lead, and the whole inside of your stomach and heart are trying to meet the floor...

You shouldn't feel like this on holidays... It's just not right, nor logical. Should be happy, brimming with happiness... Yeah, right, theories suck... Dang nabbit. My dad wants me to go into his work, fix some computers there, and link one from home to the office, yet he doesn't know I haven't been out once since holidays... Once... I feel like a prisoner in my own home!

I guess what I'm saying is I don't want it to be this way.
I just don't know how to change it.

If that makes any sense...

Eh
On a positive note, a friend of mine in CG invited me to work on one of his projects, a project to recreate the cinematics of a game called "Crusader - No Regret". He talked me into it, and hyped me up about it =P Prospects for it are very good. There is still a huge fan base, and I implanted the idea that he could make an opensource recreation of the game, like Freedroids at Sourceforge, except this would be even better as a result of the huge fan base still obsessed with the game. This is also another sad story about what Microsoft can kill, the company who produced the game, Digital Anvil, a spin off of Origin, was bought out by MS, and nothing has been heard since. Ouchie, poor Natronio.

2D
I'm falling in love with two dimensions all over again. It all started with a DSG where I did a quick sketch of a Goblin King and digital painted over the sketch, and the flames were eventually fanned by an ex-Blender artist called Landis Fields, who has just updated his site to include Flash animation tests.
I want to try some stuff soon, really really want to try.

TV
A TV show I really enjoyed has it's series finale today. It was called Grounded for Life, and featured all of the kind of fun you want from a TV show. A crazy and cool uncle who hasn't married and seemingly never will, a father who doesn't want to stop you drinking beer but join in and chug a cold one himself, a mother who is just lovable, and a daughter who is a predictable teen. You of course, also have the grandfather, who's living with them instead of the home... Anyway, it ended, with a mixed flash back to the day the two parents got married, lots of fun. I'll miss it though.

She who must be obeyed...
That's how my dad refers to my mum. She set the beeper to 45 minutes. Like it matters. If I don't get up early tomorrow morning, it doesn't care, I'm not going anywhere anyway. Apart from possibly my dads work. But we all know how much I want to go there... Well, it's not that I don't necessarily want to, it's just like I'm going straight from school to work, instead of school, fun, work, fun fun fun... Just typing the word makes me sick. It's like eating a sausage infront of a starving man. Worse than that, it's like cooking them and then eating them infront of him.
Eh, stuff she who must be obeyed, I'm staying up. *goes to reset timer*

Steve C
'The energy stored in coal, crude oil and natural gas all comes from the sun. Im supposed to "Explain this statement."'
Well, I helped him out, and, for the record, 'I can't express how much you have saved my ass', it was an assignment due tomorrow for him =P (he's at a public school, we get holidays a week earlier and longer than they do)
Always happy to help an oppressed school student!

Planning for post-HSC
Hmm... I have a few [insert word meaning imposing and clashing] plans for the future.
For example, I want to do the three following -

1. I want to go straight into an internship at Rising Sun Pictures, and get a job there
2. I want to go and get educated in 2D and 3D graphics, at preferably a place like VFS or somewhere which offers Pixar certified training, or even better, is taught by Pixar employees.
3. I want to go and learn the theory and coding behind such a thing, at universities like Berkeley and Harvard.

Hmm... Let's consider all three... Fat chance...
I literally feel really sick at the moment... It's just not working out, and it's not like in those cruddy movies where everything is falling apart for the nerd (who under the surface is actually a 'cool guy'), and then some guy, or girl, or chic, or girlfriend walks up to him and says 'It's alright, life's a million paths, you couldn't predict the ones you were going to take, blah blah BLAH...' Well, ya know?

I just wish it wouldn't always feel like a fight to try and firmly plant my feet anywhere outside of school...

Endeth
And on that note, tune in tomorrow to discover how Smerity valiantly escapes the clutches of depression,

He can't be that bad... He's got Tic Tacs =P

What is with the above name, I'll never know =P

ANYWAY! Less depressed than last night, actually, I can say without a lie leaving my mouth (nor my fingers =P ) that I'm actually happy, and hopeful! Added bonus eh?

While I'm typing this, my internet connection has been on for 1 day, 4 hours, and 8 seconds =P I forgot to turn it off last night when I fell asleep waiting for Cowboy Bebop to go on TV (in Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, who would've known =P ), and so far 'Saturday Afternoon Fever' (a funny little animation from a guy at VFS), two trailers for 'Sky Captain and the Day After Tomorrow' (looks very promising, love the retro 30's style, and the guys at RSP.com.au are doing the graphics =P ), downloaded a few TV themes, updated (and added) a few people to my Examples folder, and am in the process of refreshing my 3Dnspiration issues (online magazine for 3D peeps).

So, yeah... It's all good

Art
Today, I've spent a lot of time redoing some of my old projects, like cleaning up some aliasing on my weekend challenge for Atlantis (the link below will have updated, and it's nothing major, my little nit picks)
But, more recently, I have rejuvenated... PEDRO!
Pedro's, I guess an oldish man, which I made in 3D. One of my first wades into the organic realm on my lonesome, and all my concept too. Here for your enjoyment is the good old man himself, PEDRO! =P


I have a sketch of him, which I used in initial construction, but in an artistic sense it's pretty hideous, so it's not linked here =P

I also need to find a project to become dedicated too soon, or I'll go mad...
Getting a project makes you focus your creative energy, and it'll make you work until you can get it right, because it means something to you...
Like Sormann's ThemePark World! It is one of the funniest concepts I've seen, something to keep an eye on =P

Inspiration
This one isn't really a long winded, heavily articulated one, merely a few brim ideas...
I got this idea while getting my sketchbook out of my bag, while mum was asleep infront of the TV on the couch, and my dog was asleep too... My dog woke up, so I quietly put him back to bed.
When I finished grabbing my sketchbook, I noticed I didn't have my small lamp, and didn't want to turn on the large light, so I snuck back across the lounge room into the corridor and finally into my bedroom to claim the lamp... After having a quick duel with my Lord of the Rings Return of the King poster, I snuck down quietly in the dark and begin the tedious task of finding which cord was the lamp's. When I finally found it, I yanked it out, only to find it was the wrong one, nabbit... Then, I finally found the one, and softly pulled, as if worried a giant spark'll leap out and engulf me. That was when I got the idea. What about an extremely successful thief, of extreme expertise, who is in the middle of a project. He's sorting out which is what, and finally thinks hes got it, when the most unlikely situation arises and he is caught (even though it's not his fault). He ends up working for the people who caught him, probably the government, and ends up meeting a 'baddie', who, in his words 'You can't steal the planet!' "Exactly, that's why I don't want anyone else to have it...", ie, this baddie is the kind who blows up anything he can't have, ie, the world =P
I can imagine it now, episode one is introducing the main thief, working his way into a top secret facility, hiding among the shadows while people run past (have him slink into the shadows, and have 2D cutouts with a projected shadow onto the ground/wall run past), and finally getting caught unexpectedly, with the last shot being the alarms starting to go off and the look of complete disbelief (I mean, really, he's an experienced thief, but part of that experience is having never gotten caught! He doesn't know how to react! lol)
Episode 2, introduction to the 'Justice Gang' I guess it's the policeish guy who basically plots him against all evil, fire against fire sort of thing, and probably the good old nerd like Nigel (sp?) off of Alias! WooT WooT! (can have an extra sequence about having the Nigelesque character saying it was his technology that caught the thief, and then after the extremely disconcerning look from the thief, have him splutter something like 'Yes, well, of course, a lot of luck was involved afterall...')

And there are the first two episodes, created in probably less than 30 minutes, in a nutshell =P

Also, for my first animation project I think I'm planning to do a sort of complexified sphere, with arms extruded out and probably two eyes just to add that 'human' factor to it... Something so simple it's gotta work... =P lol
I hope to have this animation done by the end of holidays, which will give me three weeks to work on it (and since, as I said in my previous post, I have no plans, it should be pretty easy =P)

Anyway, that shall be the night for me, at least, the night recorded in this journal. I plan to do some odds and ends, and then eventually go to sleep *sigh* and, for the sake of my computer and my ISP, disconnect the bloody internet connection! lol

Geez, I never thought holidays could end up this bad...

And they just started...

I'm literally on the verge of tears... I know I should try and keep all my posts positive, but that just isn't going to work here...

I've just started holidays and lets look upon what the world has put forth. My parents are growling at each other, as per usual, I don't have _any_ plans for the holidays apart from braces (oh, great...), two of my best friends I can't really communicate with (both without computers, one's grounded, the other, well), and generally I feel like complete... yeah...

In these times, one of the main problems is that we dwell on all the bad things, it's almost like we're trying to give ourselves a reason to feel so bad. Personally, I still do it, but if I want to feel bad, chances are I'm not inflicting damage on anyone but myself, and so I have the ultimate control in decisions of mood. I usually only break down at home, I don't think I've ever broken down at school, at least since Year 3...

I'd love to ask the girl out, but I just keep putting artificial limits on myself. And, I mean, there's a difference between sitting here and saying 'She'd probably say yes' and standing next to her, the mind reverting to another answer...

Okay, I don't like how I feel at the moment, so, this I must ENDETH!

Creativity, a good pick-me-up
After picking up some of my old txt documents, blowing the digital dust off them, and having a revising read, I feel inspired, ish =)

Actually, I'm not so inspired

To disappear
I'm going to disappear for a bit, go read some Elysiun stuff... Sorry for such a short post (even though, as I said a million times before, no-one's reading)

Too much of a good thing... Results in cavities =P

I started off the stupid line above depressed, but all the sudden I became happy =P At least it's good practice, see things from the other way they were meant to be viewed. Get kicked in the groin, at least you can join the Boys Choir, etc etc =)

Anyway, something which I'm trying to persevere and cultivate in my head is that it's the quantity of ideas, not the quality, that is important. It is better to have lots of strange ideas, all different in their own right, than one or two extremely defined and carved idea, as you can always continue concentrating and improving a thought, but you can't get the same inspiration you had at that very moment back, and that may just be the difference between a smoking crater in the ground or your science experiment (made that up on the spot, a little OT, but just deal =P)

I do also note I have been negligent in my blogging performance, therefore I apologise to the ghosts or umbrae reading my blog, since no humans seem to be =P

School
Got a Distinction in Computing, whoop diddy. The main thing I remember about getting it was putting my mind in a blender to try and find a way of getting out of the middle of an isle without annoying anyone else. Luckily, I was adjacent to a walking corridor (well, not really a corridor, just a gap in all the chairs to walk through), so I pulled my seat out into the corridor and walked along it, therefore not annoying anyone else and having to leap over others feet =P
Even one of the girls noticed my 'heroic' attempts and criticised someone else in our row for not doing the brave and daring maneuver.

Had parent teacher, overall, very happy with it. Main criticism was 'Stephen can't rely on his natural ability anymore...' Darn, they're forcing me to study now =P lol
Was very pleased with my English teacher though, she told me that the story I wrote in the exam (had like 40 minutes), the nightmare one I talked about earlier, really revealed a 'light and fluffy' side to me (she didn't say light and fluffy, just thought it was the perfect description lol)
Everyone was expecting a futuristic, techno, over the top, serious, etcetera, story from me, and instead they got a romantic comedy, and NO, I didn't plan to write a romantic comedy, it just... Happened...
Pretty good while starting from the word 'Nightmare', huh? =P

Shrek 2
Saw Shrek 2 on the weekend, was crammed into a tiny spot at the back of the room as we were late lol
I had a very kind girl next to me (I also had to help give her back her handbag, it was accidently kicked to the left as my mum walked through the isle) and her annoying (what I thought) boyfriend, who kept complaining about the smallest things, like a child crying a bit, and babbling about the Box Office returns of the movie.

About the movie though,
I liked the story overall, but they may have to create a new story soon as they're beginning to massacre it.
Graphics, as per usual, were excellent, especially with the implementation of global illumination in all rendering and that of fast subsurface scattering, made some of the characters at least the quality of Final Fantasy imho. Of the main two things I remember is a mushroom splashed in a potion, which, from one corner of it, becomes cocooned in an aura, and then puffs into smoke and becomes a rose. I also loved how Shrek was played out as a human.

AND ABOUT MOVIES IN GENERAL
A few of the biggest movie names, I'm using Scary Movie and Shrek & Sh-2 as examples, are making huge amounts off of a mock plot. While Shrek may have a bit of a deeper plot, a lot of it is made enjoyable by the mocking of other stories, such as the Lord of the Rings and other legends or myths in Shrek 2, or the use of scary movies and completely mock playing them such as in Scary Movie. These have all made giant gains at the box office, and are not to be underestimated.

Creativity
Thinking about creativity also, I think I prefer making full worlds as the larger the world, the more things I need to make to exist within it, and therefore the more ideas I am able to generate. Small disconnected ideas are fine, but this makes the idea seem to have a depth around it, as if it does come from somewhere, by the ways it links to other things.
Stuart has really fallen in love with my story about a flying world (project name is Aerial Spires, and a beginning story of it is below)
The whole world is beginning to be based upon Hallows Peak, and it has become partially destroyed during a war. Stuart and I may be planning to make a story based around it, but how far it will get (whether it gets anywhere at all lol) is questionable =P

'The only power I believe in comes out of the barrel of a gun' A quote from the movie 'The Phantom' (on in background)
Well, that's an interesting statement.
A society based around settling all of their affairs through singular gunfights, almost in a Western style, but I've never been a fan of Westerns =P
Singular gunfights being one on one warfare, with great dishonour coming from having outside help. Preferably these gunfights aren't a one shoot kill kind of thing, but a way that the world becomes partially seperated into certain clans, and one clan's actions may have a reverberated effect on all else.
Well, that's weird enough at least =P
Then of course, you have either the singular hero, or an ungoverned group, a group not associated with any others, a group with no bounds.
Or you could have a singular hero, and a servant of him, who will take his place once he falls...
Imagine it now, the hero is draped and hidden, but with a strange gun clutched in his right hand, elongated to look almost like a blade, and engraved with a symbol of a tiger, with claws upfront, ready to strike. The gunfight starts, everyone moving in a dash, dust is beginning to build up in the air untill almost all you can see is the wake left behind the movement of the bullet. Suddenly, *chink, chink*, he's out of bullets, so he almost slides to a corner of a building. There, his servant is waiting for him, with bullets dangling from clips on his shoulders, and a vest full of armaments on him. There, he does a last check of the golden bullets, tipped with a translucent blue, and with the speed of lightning, drops them into a clip and passes it to the hero, where he succinctly replaces his ammo and returns to the fight.

If you could only see the dust and bullets echoing inside my head... =P

STUART
One of my best friends, and a great buddy when it comes to creativity, has been GROUNDED... ahhhhhhhhhhh.....
Why you ask? Because he forgot to hand an assignment in on one day. His mom is an authoritarian, very very rigid, and because of this he has been grounded, at the very least, for the whole of holidays.
DARN!

Well, music's going well =P

Screw everything else, music's going great...

[babble mode]
On Wednesday afternoon I missed out on last period to go and get fitted for my Jazz suit. Oh yeah, love missing out on school! It ended up being black pants, shirt, with a silver tie and vest. (silver was highly reflective, I'm sure I was aiming to blind a few people when the spotlights hit me)

On Thursday morning, I woke up, got prepared awfully slow and then was driven to our Musical Showcase venue. I arrived at the venue (late) and had to whip my instrument out extremely quickly as everyone was about to start.
Fantastic rehearsal for jazz, my only two issues was I had to play up, and play, in Justin's words, "LOUDER!"
One of the guitarists got a wibble-wa peddle (very weird =P ) and ended up using it for his solo improv.
Around 9:30 we packed up, left for school at 10 after when the bus arrived. When I got back to school, I didn't go to class, I went to something called Musica Viva (not sure on spelling), and listened to that. Great jazz artists, the one who played trumpet/trombone was a hippy with eyebrows that looked a bit like Guy Sebastian's hair, another was an old man who always played the cello with eyes closed, the percussionist was generally cool, very quiet though, and the final guy had a trim haircut and wore glasses, he played sax.
Anyway, got out of there, had recess, got back to my first and only class of the day, and that was... Music! =P
Unfortunately, we got a replacement teacher and just sat around doing sheets, but then just before 12:30 we left for the next bus. Luke and I caught this one, and we listened to his Christian rock on the way down... Good to know Christians know how to write songs! =P
When we arrived there Intermediate Band was on first, so I went and watched Luke play. He was extremely bored, as the majority of his notes were single handed and crotchets. We're actually thinking of making me play it, as I need to learn piano, and, well, reality's the best way to learn =)
Next was flute ensemble *insert sleeping sound here* They weren't actually that bad, but my ex-girlfriend is one of them, so of course I've got to pretend to be bored lol
And then, we were on... WOOT! Senior Concert Band, conducted by the awesome Hutch (don't worry, it's a nick name for our teacher =P ). The band performed fabulously, apart from the small situation involving the oboe-ist and the Pizza guy (his sister was supposed to pay for the Pizza, but, well =P )
Anyway, I was supposed to go back to school then, but the bus was filled with Junior school kids (shove them in the baggage compartments!), so we had to wait until the bus came back... That was a very long time, excessive to the extreme. I ended missing out on all of last period.
After that, I went to the bus stop to *sigh* 'hang out' *sigh*, and everyone's bus turned up in the first 5 minutes (Thursday remember, shopping spree night lol) and after saying bye to Elyse (Elyce, Elise, spelling *sigh*) and to Josh, and giving her a chip packet, I went in the library. God knows what I did in there, something to do with raytracing and trying to find out how to calculate translucency utilising a similar technique to ambient occlusion I think... Anyway, finally got picked up.
When we got there I went to Orchestra rehearsal. Boring. Orchestra isn't the greatest unfortuntely, we played Mission Impossible again for like the 2nd year in a row, and a song called Finlandia from the Babe movie. Wow, some way to start a show.

Start of the performance we played the two Orchestra songs, it was alright, nothing fantastic though. Then I had to wait until past second intermission, when we play Senior Concert Band and Jazz... So, I went up looking for Luke (he said we'd wait around together), couldn't find him, so I hung out with Anistasia, a friendly girl in Year 10 I think, plays the clarinet. Then, she found her friends, I saw Sophie and Jenny and I hung out with them for a while.

After 15 minutes, it was interval, I got prepared for Senior Concert. It was an absolute BLAST! Only problem was 9/10ths of the crowd went home because they were in Junior School... Oh, hurray... They should lock the doors lol
The song we played was Pablo, fast, sharp, and absolutely a lot of fun to play, the kind of song that gives you an adrenaline rush.
Went back, I changed (with lots of difficulty) to the suit I'd gotten on Wednesday, and was teased by probably every single student, and even by Hutch, our conductor/teacher/generally cool guy, he did the whole mother thing where he got my tie and straightened it and fixed it up *sigh* lol
Justin ended up wearing "shades", and so did the drummer (he also wore suede, cool huh?)

THEN! Jazz! Started off with "This Ain't Love", a 1930s style swing song, usually used for dancing back then. We began playing into our stands, quiet, muffled, then blew EVERYONE away! =) Fantabulous, absolutely excellent, always fun.
Then we played "Blue Bossa", which is once again another great piece, and I can almost play all of it lol This song was Justin's solo chance, lots of fun.
After this, we were supposed to leave and go home, but the guys had planned to break into "Chameleon" after, unfortunately the crappy music to fill the gaps started, and we had to wait for them to switch it off. Once that happened, we waited around for about 10-15 bars playing it, then packed up and went home.
And I was told on the next day Hutch made kissy faces to Luke and Lauren (my friend, who's going out with Lauren *der* as they were sitting next to each other). Luke at the moment is attempting to avoid Hutch, with little success! =P lol

Friday -
*phew*
No-one really congratulated me, but that's alright, no-one usually does lol
I ended up cutting my inner lip or causing some kind of unfathomable pain in my mouth
Generally went back to school *sigh*

But the main pick up that night, was, I went to the Lord of the Rings Symphony at the Opera House!
We got there early, I 'dined' on two hot dogs and some plain rice, and strolled around admiring how big the Opera House was. Even though I'm an Australian, the last (and only other than now) time I went there, I was four and all I really remember of it was sitting outside, very bored and cold, waiting for intermission so we could get back in...

Anyway, it began in an excellent manner, with Howard Shore being a... quite interesting? conductor... He actually conducted on off-beats I think, or something strange like that. I have four pages of notes beginning at the end of intermission. It was an excellent performance, get the soundtrack! =P
Also, I discovered that there is a crushed car at the Opera House, crushed by a rock with a smilie face... Quite peculiar...

Anyway, it's 11:04 on Sunday now (I kind of got to finish this last night) and I'm going to sum up
Oh yeah, yesterday I got an electronic compass for my Robot *woot*

Bai Bai

Crush Fever =P

Your heart suddenly has an urge to become a drum, your pupils think it'll be funny if they dilate, and your world becomes a little confused about which way's up...
Well, that's how it generally feels when she walks by =)
Words cannot describe such a feeling, but words have never been much good anyway =)

Stuff keeping details to a minimum... I don't think anyone has read this journal yet, so stuff it, it's a journal for myself! =P
I know a crush usually occurs due to a physical attraction (which is certainly the case lol) but she does have some depth to her. She takes Latin, which is difficult, and is very kind, although a little shy =)
I know, this is all really small stuff and probably doesn't mean anything to anyone but me... But... Well... In a way, I'm my main audience, so if you really want, skip to the next section, cuz I'm going on =P
She had her books in my way this morning, and she said in the sweetest way "Oh, sorry"... Yes, very very small, but... Yeah =P I guess what I really like about her is she isn't outspoken, she's not zany, she's not loud, she's just, in the best possible description, seems a little shy =)
I doubt she likes me unfortunately, and if I really want to a go, and ask her out, I may have to take a very very large leap. But before any of that, I just need to make some sort of small connection... I remember reading in an entry to CGTalk's 'Lost and Found' sketch competition, a little picture. Supposedly someone lost their gym card in the university dormitory hall, so he went to return it to the room number. He knocked on the door, and out popped the a fabulously beautiful girl... Well, that would be the perfect, absolutely heavenly, sort of way to connect to her for the first time. Of course, that's implying that anything like that happens out of Hollywood movie sets or children's stories, and even then the guy who met the girl didn't go out with her, but was merely 'haunted by her beauty' or something to that effect. Well, chances are it's never going to happen, but I'll find a way... I mean, it couldn't be worse than a million to one chance, or at least perfectly equal to it =P

Never play leap-frog with a unicorn, Murphy's Law states.
This beautiful unicorn may make me break that golden rule...





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Firefox 0.9 came out today =P
I've already downloaded it and am going to install it after I finish this post. If you're getting sick of Microsoft, or Internet Explorer crashes on you/attacks you with spyware, go to Mozilla.org and try either Mozilla or Firefox out (Firefox looks a lot better and is much more slimline)

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I'm failing in my attempt to use every moment to its fullest. But I'll try to keep the practical part of the theory in full effect, no matter which way the coin falls... I just need something to get me moving again!

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Creativity
I just noticed something, all my ideas are based on quality. They should be based on quantity, because you can always develop an idea later down the track, but you may only have the stimuli at that moment to create an imaginary masterpiece.
To help me develop a new way of innovation, I have enlisted the help of a random word website. Very random, not punctually random =P I'll take the first ten and try and write down what comes to head first, creative or non-creative.

(site for random words)

Damn! Site's out at the moment due to DNS problems affecting the net (Slashdot story (here)

New temporary word generator here - Word Generator

This isn't quite as good as the other, as the other generates random words, this just generates made up words... But what the hey =P

* handian - An ancient culture who live ontop of the vast forests of floating sea-weed. The sea-weed growth is so thick that it creates a hard surface for them to survive on.
* rendeleckilopetels - (rend-el-ec-il-o-pet-els) A telepathic condition that the gods give some humans for their own amusement. Rendeleckilopetels allows you to see that you will injure yourself, but not how, therefore making you know you are going to hurt yourself with no preventitive measures! For example, you may know you are going to feel an intense 'pain' in your crotch, but you don't know exactly what'll cause it, so they avoid angry women, baseball balls, and any projectiles, until, when still trying to avoid everyone, he doesn't pay attention to the ground, and a man hole remains open. He falls, and... Well... You know =P
* pennelisits - I won't say what FIRST came to my head... This is strictly a PG13 site ;)
A covert group of pencils who write propoganda, with topics similar to 'We're all wood you know' 'You'll never sharpen me alive' and an all time favourite 'Freedom to the LED!'
* ting -
* menter - It is the capacity that an object has to indirectly change the future of the world. If it has a high menter rating, for example, a nuclear bomb, it can instill a huge change, while a blade of grass may have a low level of menter.
* counkers -
* impingler - A person who makes a living by stealing barbed wire from prisons. These people are therefore indirectly responsible for a large percentage of successful prison escapes.
* ackiddentiont - A young
* dwely -
* belly -

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MUSIC SHOWCASE TOMORROW!
Music Showcase, when all the schools bands come together and perform. I have very high expectations for Senior Band, and ESPECIALLY Jazz Band =P Don't have quite too high expectations with Orchestra, but that's just because Mr Hutchins's such a great conductor, and musician in his own right =)

Center stage is set, the lights are focusing on you, and it's time to discover just what I'm made of!

The best thing though, of course, is I miss out on lots of school because I'll be going to the Hills Centre during the day to do final rehearsals and sound checks! WOOT! I also took last period off today to get a black suit/tuxedo type thing, to wear when we play in Jazz band. I was only told this morning, and kind of had to... Rush? =P
Hopefully I'll fit in, but I am wearing silver, and spotlights on silver might blind a few people *sigh* Oh well =P
And I have been getting a lot better with my music. I can play almost all of my jazz band pieces without fudging a single note (fudging in bands is a lot more common than you think).
Heck, Justin hasn't even insulted me for the last few days =) (Justin is first trombone, in charge of being bossy and talented =P )

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Another night finished... Good night, and I wish you a happy future =)

Still trying

My idea on trying to use every moment to it's fullest is on a kind of confusing verge. I don't know if it's working too well, could just be me. Either way, I'm still persevering with it, even though it isn't going too well =)

/me crosses fingers in hope of a new speed modelling topic at CGTalk

*sigh* Not a new subject... AGAIN! I can't take this. I need something to push me. The Weekend Challenge really did a good job, even if the result didn't turn out too well. It pushes you just to MAKE SOMETHING... Must stop sitting around and complaiming.

Just giving a link to myself - SUPER COOL FERRET MADE IN XSI!
Mr Ferret ;)

Anyway, SPEED MONSTERS! =P Quick 3D models I made, took about 20 minutes each

*heeheehee*

Watching Alias, and guess what... We just discovered, the Passenger... It's her... *horror music* SISTER! *background scream* Yeah, well... I knew about it before, because E! News doesn't respect the fact Australians are like two months behind all the TV shows... *sigh* lol... Also, Von found out that the Australian actress (oh yeah, go Aussies! Melissa George RULES! *innocent whistle*) was a double agent! WooT! They killed Sloan! WooT! Jack revived Sloan! Wait a sec... Eh? =P

Stui has been helping me out since this morning when I told him about the "Aerial Spire" thing (just remember, that the name is only a working name, not final), and its been quite fun =P We could become a double team of writers! WooT!

I've got a terrible terrible cough, which isn't getting anything out of my throat, but more specifically it feels like razors being run down the insides of my throat... Ouch... I stayed up until literally 4 AM yesterday (or more specifically, this morning) and went through three episodes of BBC Lord of the Rings Audio Series.

It's 10:30, and Alias just finished.
Anyway, time to go, for the night draws close, and the world is beginning to withdraw.
Farewell

Every moment should be used...

Every moment should be used. No excuse. Procrastinating is not an option. This is a purely raw theory I'm spitting out, so it may seem crude, but I trust you, it is not. Everything must be a stepping stone to something else. Waste not on things which have no destination. You must push yourself, for if you do not push yourself, nothing will ever come out of you. You cannot rely on the world around you to do the pushing for you, because it will not happen. People who succeed in this life do so as they push themselves, or if they don't push themselves, they do something lots because they love the thing they do.
The main problem with my blog at the moment is that the ideas are so refined, I write, read, rewrite, everything I think. This should be a null issue now. Pure essence is what makes a character. In real life you don't have time to think a comment, rethink it, do it again, so why should you as you are writing?
From now on I will cease to use the Preview button (as technologically cool it is) on all things, other than to check that link or image tags work.

I cannot slow down, or not keep pushing myself. Pushing myself will force me to do things I have not done before, which is good. One thing which I did stop writing for then, is for a moth. A moth landed on my computer screen, I think they're attracted by the static electricity on it, or merely the bright light, but I'm not sure. It had the most magnificent texture on it, and was brown, the colour of sandpaper, and was translucent in a fuzzy kind of way. As he was inside, and they don't survive very long, I softly got him in my hands, made a protective sphere, and released him outside through the dog door.

Always have time in your life for creatures that need help, even if it's a spider, snake, or anything.
I'll also mention my tadpoles at the moment. I saved them in December I think. Their eggs were put in a dam after heavy rain. Problem is, the dam is a quick drain dam, and all the water in there is gone after a few weeks. I found out they were up there, and knew they were going to die without my help. I went and got a bucket and began sorting the water. Spiders, some weird kinds of leeches, and weird insects which looked like leaves annoyed me, but I kept going. Today, I have saved countless lives of tiny tadpoles, and as small as that may seem, it is significant to me, and I'm sure that in the far future it will make some difference. Just remember, if you save one thing, you are therefore saving all it's descendants, so in the act of saving one tadpole, you may have just saved hundreds, if not thousands of frogs. And if the act of even saving ONE life is not significant, I ask you then, what is?

Every moment
Every moment you should be giving your hundred percent all. Everything you have is sitting there waiting to be used, and even if every limb you have is broken, you should still be thinking all the time. Trying to sort the world into logic, trying to observe everything you see.
Pick up a leaf and see everything there is to see. Notice the bumps? The veins? The translucency (that's light getting through the object, like transparency (like glass) but you can't nessacarily see straight through, if you know what I mean), the colours. Everything!
Everything in this world is infinitely complex. Your body changes every atom it is made of in 8 years. The simplest thing still has a myriad of rules about it. Nothing is too small to be observed.
Everything observed is easy from someone else's point of view. You never know how complex a job is until you do it yourself.

Everything has an essence
A picture is just an array of colours, and hues if it contains no essence. Essence is what separates a picture from an illustration. An illustrator is from the Latin verb "lustrare", which literally means to illuminate.
This site has influenced me in such a strange way. Look at it, respect the artwork, respect the brother who has passed to the other side.
An illustrator, literally illuminates a person, gives them an amazing idea, redefines a thought, something of great meaning. To be an illustrator can relate to any part of your life, not just art.

Relaxing to some degree
Okay, I have to smile at least once as I write this =) Remember, that without other people, your development as a person, as an artist, cannot grow. I'd like to end this weird section and go into creativity by saying, enjoy everything you do, or try to find some way to do it. Even the worst task can be a competition of how fast you can get it done! Also, ask yourself, "ARE YOU SERIOUS!" Of which, I shall always reply, "YES!"


Creativity
Ok, straight from talking about being spontaneous and quick thinking to doing it.

Veins. Hands. Blood rushing back and forth. Life. Essence. Birth of the world.
Everyone must come from somewhere, everyone must have a story before themselves. Everything has an origin, of which it is almost always complex and confusing. Respect it for it.

Must try to find an aim. Instead of shooting bullets wildly into the night, try to find a target and aim not to shoot blanks.

Wait, before even that I have to find out what exactly I want out of creativity. New ideas? Strong characters? Realistic plot? WHAT? Dictionary.com, Creativity - Characterized by originality and expressiveness; imaginative: creative writing.
This essentially means creating anything. Including a short story, which I may as well do now.

Aerial Spire
The world as we know it, is no more. Recreate the world, remold it. The human race has not had a massacre, and had to rebuild itself, merely that the world has never had to go along that certain path.
High above the ground, hidden within the deepest breaches of the clouds, are great aerial fortresses. Helium is the life force, keeping their world afloat, while hydrogen, created by splitting the water of the clouds, is their movement. Some people live in a settlements of thousands of people, the metropolis's of the skies. They are similar to countries. They all have their own way of subsistence. Their own economies, and their own rulers. Then, there are two kinds of free-rangers. First, is the traders, who usually move in small groups of vessels, from metropolis to metropolis, and survive through trading. Then there is the rogues. People who live by pillaging others. They commonly target the small traders, but some have vessels large enough to take on, and often beat the metropolises.

Well, that's good babble. Not really going anywhere though. I wonder how you develop such an idea... Only probably by practice. Exams are good for that, they force you to work in a small timeframe and give a reasonable result out of it. The computer may actually be working against you, as it gives you a world of options on what to do, yet when you're in an exam, with a pen, some paper, and only 45 minutes remaining on the clock, you cannot spare to waste anything.

The airship began it's slow crawl across the sky, leaving a tiny vapor trail in it's wake. In the cockpit of the vessel, sat an old man, with a cane across his lap. On the top of the old man's cane, engraved into the wood, was a sculpture of an eagle, with two gems for it's eyes. He was staring out into the calm blue sky, wandering what it would be like. Whether it was still the way it had used to be.
The silence was broken, by the energetic sound of someone running up the spiral stairs from the lower hold behind him.
"Grandpa, where's our next stop?"
He turned slowly in his chair, and looked through his spectacles to his grandson. The boy was growing to be more like his father every day.
"You have heard of the haven of Hallows Peak before, haven't you?"
"Hallows Peak? Are you serious? Wasn't that where the Kailen Wars took place?"
"Yes it was. Just remember that a war doesn't just involve guns and explosions, but people too."
"What're we going there for then? They have the best of everything don't they?"
"They used to have the best of everything, remember the hydrogen cells we've been making? I have an old friend there who makes them. He'd be very interested in our new design."
"Tell me about Hallows Peak grandpa, you've been there before haven't you?"
"Not just been there, I used to live there. That was where I met your grandmother."
"Was dad born there?"
"No, your father was born on this very vessel. We left Hallows Peak almost fifty years ago now."
"But why'd you leave Hallows Peak! It's part of legends! It's, it's, it's..."
"It's the tallest mountain on all of Earth, and the only habitable bit of land left on this world..."
"Why'd you leave then?"
"The war came."
"Yeah, and?"
"The war took your mother, your father, and my wife. You were the only one left..."
They both stared out the windshield, into the clouds, where, if one had the eyes of a hawk, one would have seen a glittering peak, covered in a permafrost that has been there since the dawn of time. Neither of them were really paying too much attention to the sky though, mainly to how to avoid the next step of logical conversation.
Breaking the silence had a feeling similar to that of dropping a glass vase.
"How long until we get there?" the young boy muttered silently under his breath.
"About half an hour. How about you go and get the cell ready?"
"No problem,"
The boy ran down the spiral stairs, and the sound began to fade away.

The haven of Hallows Peak is believed to be the last bit of habitable land for humans. It is the center of the civilised world, and is real estate which only the richest can afford. Being the only bit of land left in the world, it has commonly come under attack, the worst of which being the Kailen Wars. Half the peak was ripped off of it's foundings, and plunged to doom, by a cruiser's suicidal attack.

(first sentence, wake is used in boats, slipstream in aeroplanes, but I'll use wake still, as the airship is slow, more like a boat than a plane)
{second, [Middle English halwen, from Old English hlgian. See kailo- in Indo-European Roots.], Hallows Peak, to Kailen Wars)
(third, possibly add in a necropolis to the mix, a floating city that had been wiped out by a threat [dragons burning all the city?] but it mysteriously floats. It is said to be cursed, and no-one has gone there since, or at least none have returned to tell of the story)

I'd love to continue the story, but it's time for me to "go to bed"... In other words, that means pretend to be asleep, but more essentially go to my room and do my homework. I really love this world so far. I really really do =)

This post has been amazingly successful, and it actually takes me a while to scroll down through all the babble!
Farewell, and may we meet again at the haven of Hallows Peak.

And the nights keep getting longer

A tug-a-war has begun over my life. On one side, depression, the other side, happiness... And may I just say, they are evenly matched at the moment =)
I'm disappointed with my Weekend Challenge entry, but nonetheless, here it is



I'll post @ndy's (@ndy is a great 3D artist) entry when he finishes it, but I shall warn you now, @ndy rules =P
His site is at Artificial3D.com if anyone wants to have a look. Purely inspirational artist, and he reminds me of LohnC (Australiain Blenderer who I know well)

I haven't been too happy with the results of that... Not sure if it's the bad post processing, or whether its just me, but yeah... This is the main reason I want to keep working on my computer graphics, my sketching, my everything. I want to be able to look at myself some day in the future, and say, "You are a good artist"... When you say something like that to yourself, you know whether or not you are bending the truth...

In other news, great thread by an artist called buzzz3d (although he's a 2D artist lol), of which he is trying to force himself to draw everyday. Good idea... Good idea...
Thread here

Also, I'm being driven around the bend... The Brady Bunch have been on TV1, mucking up all regular programming, for the last THREE DAYS! That's SEVENTY-TWO HOURS AT LEAST of Brady Bunch

Here endeth the previous babble...
Well, as the LONG weekend draws to an end, and we thank the Queen for having a birthday (whether or not we care about the Queen, go public holidays!), we must look back and reflect... Reflect upon the world, and it's being... And remember that, no matter how long a rest period we may receive, remember that, I HAVE HOMEWORK! ARRRGGGGG!

*sigh*

I really don't quite manage time the way "I should"... I use it quite well I think, but I usually leave unimportant things to the last minute (for example, _homework_) I always do it, no matter what. And if the homework is going to take time to finish (like a writing assignment), I WILL start that earlier. Assignments, I occasionally start before the night before it's due, but that's a rarity ;)

This kind of concludes my report for today. I'm not pleased with it... So, I'm going to go check what homework I have and then, either finish now or finish it midnight plus tonight, and then learn how to rig a 3D object (or, in my hope, an object that'll soon become a character)

Also, I'm running out of ways to say farewell, goodbye, or good night... So...

Out of the shadows I shall return, to reclaim my lost home... Farewell...

Charged with negligence =)

I have been very negligent with Blogger, but at the same time very busy =)
Ok, after checking my last post, I haven't been that negligent, only 3 days lol
Long weekend this weekend, and I've decided to participate in Elysiun's Weekend Challenge (given the topic "Atlantis", I'll show you the results soon enough)

Enanami
Enanami is still going strong, the map is getting small bits and pieces thrown onto it. Some are of purely original merit, others influenced by TV shows (I was watching "The Seven Great Wonders (of the) Industrial World", featuring the lighthouse constructor Robert Stevenson), and others are taken from my previous ideas (remember, I never steal other peoples ideas, very heavily against my morals)
Really, from a few random squares, scribbling at the points they meet up, you can create a situation to let your mind wander. The best thing though is that it even lets your logical mind, not just creative, to wonder, as it is considering what could happen at a given location (near a volcano, etcetera)

Robert Stevenson
"You cannot build a lighthouse on a rock that is submerged for the better part of the day and receives gails at every other time!" said the Chief Executive of the Northern Lighthouses.

Oh boy was he wrong. Robert Stevenson became the builder of a lighthouse (Bell Rock, completed on the 1st of February 1811, which stood 11 miles out to sea) which saved dozens, if not hundreds, of lives. He had originally wanted to do it as ships crashed upon it regularly, but it was not until an English Navy vessel ran upon it, and thus lost all of its 300 crewman, that the Northern Lighthouses Association supported him financially to do so.
He not only calculated the angle (although there is disagreement if it was nessacarily him or John Rennie who decided it, and of whom designed the lighthouse) but also developed an amazingly bright array of lights, utilising parabolic dishes and by using many different techniques integrated (like putting a tube over the candle, therefore making it burn brighter by using the convection currents it makes)

Either way, both Robert Stevenson, John Rennie and the crew who built the mighty monument, deserve a mention. As do many other people on this greater Earth...

About Bell Rock, and who built it... This is made by (and using the same picture as) the people who made the TV documentary I saw (BBC)
About Robert Stevenson (BBC)
A more fulfilled biography on Robert Stevenson

Personalities
A Slashdot article recently came up with something quite interesting. It relates to me in some ways, some ways may I note, but I never flunk subjects (getting the equivalent to Ds or Es, which would be 60 or 70% correct? Sorry, Australian schools usually only give percentages), I always do reasonably well (around 90% most of the time)
Slashdot Article
It also ended up giving a link to an interesting site detailed types of personalities,
The site, with example personality

And, as usual, if you look down, you'll see the hundreds of Slashdot comments, a place where the occasional drop of wisdom can be found (and starcraving lunacy at all other times =P)

this "stick-to-it-ness"...

TENACITY! It's called tenacity! I swear, the next grade-school teacher who I hear use the word "stick-to-it-ive-ness" is getting a swift and painful English lesson.

Seriously! It's a syllable shorter! Let's do a comparison! (In list form, because Slashdot's support for preformatted text is bad.)

1. Is it a real word?
* Tenacity: Yes, and a good one as well!
* Sticktoitiveness: No, and it never will be.
2. How many syllables does it have?
* Tenacity: Four. Rolls right off the tongue.
* Sticktoitiveness: Five. It's an ungainly hippo-in-a-tutu of a word.
3. Does it make you sound like a Special Ed teacher when you use it?
* Tenacity: Not in the least.
* Sticktoitiveness: Yes, if not straight-up retarded.


Stamp out sticktoitiveness wherever you see it. It's the red-headed stepchild of the English language...

lol

Of other points noted in there, intelligence is useless without dedication, "We all say that intelligence is the highest achievement, but that's not entirely true. Intelligence is distinct from knowledge, which is distinct from dedication. All three are necessary for success.", there's a lot of "unusually smart people" out there, "You are a unique and beautiful snowflake. Snowflake number #3857493 to be exact." lol, "Life is basically a vacation from death some author once said.", "Reiterating what many others have said, stop whining and prove your worth." <- Very important, "Intelligence is a prison. You no longer lead a fulfilling life, but one full of questions" <- yeap, I know that feeling, LONG! "People tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it. Across 4 studies, the authors found that participants scoring in the bottom quartile on tests of humor, grammar, and logic grossly overestimated their test performance and ability. Although their test scores put them in the 12th percentile, they estimated themselves to be in the 62nd. Several analyses linked this miscalibration to deficits in metacognitive skill, or the capacity to distinguish accuracy from error. Paradoxically, improving the skills of participants, and thus increasing their metacognitive competence, helped them recognize the limitations of their abilities." LONG!, "The fellow who edited your comment mentioned that you were probably an INTP. This is true; so am I. This means that you are devoted to finding logical solutions to problems, and are dreamy and absent-minded if you're not involved in something that interests you.", "Be prepared for your spirit to be crushed", "you can't call yourself something unless you can back it up", "You will have to focus and refine your talents to get anywhere. The ability to work really hard for a short time when you happen to feel like it won't help you any. Otherwise you will feel cheated when those without your "raw ability" whiz by you in life.", "My only advice would be to stop telling people you're "uniquely bright." It doesn't go over well. That kind of thinking is something you just keep to yourself...instead, demonstrate your intelligence through action. If you're interested in programming, I'd suggest picking a pet project and getting your hack on.", "Your talents will take you wherever they take you, but friendship will fill the gaps"

*phew*

As you can see, those are the SELECT comments from a Slashdot article. They have about 12-24 of those every day, and I try to read them all... Takes a long while...
Some of the suggestions in there ARE novel, and will affect me for some time to come.

Robocup
I haven't mentioned this before, but I am involved in something called Robocup. It's essentially programming a small robot to play soccer =P I've participated for sometime now. I won't say too much more, other than this, since I need to remind myself something... GET A COMPASS! =P
It is quite fun though. Realtime programming. Programming in a way that has to interact with all the inconsistencies of the real world. And I have a great team with me =)
And this year may be the best year of them all!

Coding
Made some quite large steps with my coding. I have essentially all the theory for raytracing downpat, now just writing an implementation. The main problem I have at the moment is getting the right result returned lol. Working on it. The arrays seem to be a little wacky (or more specifically, I seem to be a little wacky with the arrays) lol
I plan on writing a tutorial on Sourceforge (http://www.sourceforge.net), to exhibit the code and explain it in terms that I would have loved (I've been battling through explanations that quite literally take a degree in mathematics to solve). But that's all bee part of the fun I guess =)

Ideally I'd love to have various levels of raytracer construction (bare bones, diffuse shading, specular shading, reflection, refraction, etcetera etcetera) and also have a forum for everyone to talk to each other in (newbies with older people, all kinds of graphic theories merging together), and a version of the raytracer that will keep on growing, of which I will add ANYONE'S code if it does not break the raytracer and any previous functions, and also marks a small landmark. This will allow newbies to go in and see all the kinds of things people have developed.

I am also very peeved that a book called "Graphics Gems" has not been evenly partially published online. It has a whole chapter on Writing Raytracers, of which I've never seen, and probably never will, which every institution or programmer refers me to. Very agitating =)

Anyway, I just updated my WIP (work in progress) for the Weekend Challenge entry. I'll have finished (probably) by tomorrow...

Goodnight, and here's to hope... =)

On the next day...

On the next day, will I ever remember the world as it is? As it was?
Every small detail, the houses I see, faces I should remember, the valiant pen fights with Stui, how I felt when I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for the first time. It's a tradgedy you never remember the small things. That's what I hope this diary will help out with, a vague recollection of events, enough to recreate a small world.
They say that your life flashes before your eyes just as you are about to die. I personally think that's a little unfair, you've lived x amount of years, and for all those years, millions of hours, billions of seconds, you get a mere flash of your life? Or is it a Hollywood style moment when the world around you slows, and a million life times could fill that very second... And, if it is true you see your life flash before your eyes, is it a chain reaction of neurons sending off bursts of messages?

*phew* Babble babble babble...

School
Got a Distinction for computing... Oh, yay... 96th percentile of state... Oh, yay... Proves nothing worth knowing...

I should be getting skipped forward for computing studies anyway. Doing some online training courses, which should turn out useful.

And yep, still staring at my crush... Staring staring staring =P
(and a theory has been proposed to me that I will never be "on the inside", but I rebutted the theory stating that I have never had an aim of being on the inside, and anyone worth discussion on the inside is therefore abducted out of it =P)

I also started on a map today, of a purely fictional world called Enanami. Quite amazing what a few random squiggles and ideas can turn into, a world full of rogue continents, Aganthean trading oceans, a single mine spanning over continents and the everpresent threat of the trade ships being raided by pirates =P

And now...
Now I'm up, with my mum sitting in the next room waiting for me to do my homework. Hmmm... I've finished memorising Latin (takes like 2 minutes), but, well, the rest'll take a while =P
It's annoying, she's staying up of 'her own free will', and later dad will blame me for keeping her up.
And she just said I have ten minutes. Ten minutes. I guess she doesn't know I stay up till midnight every night then. Neither does my dad. Just a hint for any adults reading out there, putting a limit on a teenager is like wrapping a noose around your own head, not smart nor suggested. I do go to bed at midnight every night, I know what my body and mind can take, yet they don't trust my own judgement.

No time for creativity tonight, but I think the map did the same task pretty well. Oh, and last night, while up at night drawing, I came up with the idea of a small figure (tribesman, and small meaning two inches) who religously sticks a fork into a 240V socket =P They believe that they are electrocuted by the mighty deities for a job well done on earth, and that the smoke rising from the steaming ashes/corpse is the soul finding it's final resting place =) Well, it's good to dream...

Anyway, fare the well for tonight, I have to work my way around parents/homework/music... It'll be fine though, it always works out in the end.

The Path Taken

The moon lit the snowflakes like tiny chandeliers as they made their descent down to the ground. The wanderer walked the long path into the night, as the frost began to take hold. It was too late for him to turn back now, he had already strayed too far from home. He must hope the path he has taken will lead to a better end, and not one forever cold.

Stephen Merity, 7:27

That's generally how I feel at the moment. I just hope I haven't taken too many wrong choices so far, and that the hopes I lean on do not fall =) I'm pretty sure all hopes will hold, and if not, there will always be other things to grab before I fall!

I think I'm generally feeling like this because of two things. CG, computer graphics, output of the imagination, and something not going too well at the moment ;) And I have a crush on a girl... Girl girl girl... Geez lol... (notice the alliteration, repeated use of the letter g... right... too much English work at school =P) I'm not actually going to say who it is online, no knowing what kind of prying eyes see this (not general people, just possibly friends from school) but seeming that I don't think I've gotten any views I should be perfectly fine ;) Anyway, I barely know the girl, so yes, I'm attracted to her from the shallowness of my heart *sigh* But I'm hoping she has a smart spark, as she takes a quite difficult language at school, and mainly I guess it's just hope though...
I haven't asked her out yet for a myriad of reasons -
Obviously shyness, grand characteristic =) - I'm not sure it'll work out, we're kind of different social groups - I'm not even sure if I want a relationship - Freaked she will say no (but of course, typical fear =) The last two girls I dated were quite a different matter. The first one I asked cuz my friend spilled on who I liked, and thought it would be better to straight out ask her than tip-toe around the whole issue, and the second asked me out, lots of work on my part =P) My self esteem on this subject is not the highest ;) *babble babble babble*

Yeah... *phew* Girls *eek* =P (not eek in a "shes got girl-germs!" way, but in a "oh! I wanna ask her out but chances are a million to one, and then it isn't "Lived happily ever after" but more probably "Lasted two weeks before beginning a shout match at each other, then broke up in an explosive display that would make New Years Fireworks look like a set of sparklers"... darn" kind of way... Long explanation huh? =P)

Creativity
Well, today I'm going to start off with a word, go through a random picture archive on my computer, mix my thoughts with that and see how far that gets me =) Ready? =P

vade mecum - A useful thing that one regularly carries about.

This reminds me so much of my sketchbook, it goes everywhere with me and is always on the verge of falling apart! =)

Okay. A guy in a gaol, carrying around a giant weight supposed to stop him getting away. Ice Troll was one of the images that came up from my archive... So... An ice troll... What do they need... lol, tissues!
A giant ice troll, living high in the mountains, composed mainly of gnashing teeth and bulging muscles, blowing his nose, cuz it gets damn chilly up there! Always the threat of a terrible cold, or even flu! =P
That's weird enough for that =P

A quick other creative note
A group of three travellers have made their way into the marshes. Something is strange about these marshes tho, for water is always a degree from freezing, and a permanent frost grips the land.
Later that night, one of the travellers was awoken by a strange sight. A glowing ball of fire, vaguely man shaped, but more of the sorts of a demon. He quickly awoke the wiser of the other two, "What's that! What do we do!" "Be quiet, he is of no risk to us at the moment. He is a permafrost beast, an Ice Cursor. They suck in the heat from the world around them, giving them life, form..." "Are they dangerous?" "Only if you are foolish. They are no raging beast, but if you are near them when they begin to burn out, you may find yourself frozen in seconds. They merely do not attack us now, for it would be too much trouble for them"

GO THE ICE CURSORS! =P

Anyway, that's it for today. Dinner is here (McDonalds =P)

*sigh*

*Listening - Nothing, just got on*

Hm... You may notice I'm not pumped up and excited. Well, it's that time again! The world's crumbling around me, and I'm trying to not fall by clinging onto things that may not be there. To clear that up:

The world's crumbling around me - To explain, my family is extremely confused at the moment. Believe what you will, but a smaller family doesn't make it any easier. The only time I see my dad is essentially when he tells me to go to bed or catches me up in the middle of the night. My mum isn't feeling well recently, stress seems to be getting her down. My best friend is having a rough time, but I'm not depressed about that, just a little worried. I was asked on the bus "How old I was" when they noticed I was reading an animation book (*hint hint* to illustrate some of the concepts they used cartoons...) I've got a crush on a girl who probably only notices I'm alive because I accidently nudge her with my locker (It's not her fault she doesn't know me though =) ) and overall, things are looking down.

I'm trying to not fall by clinging onto things that may not be there - I'm hoping that by being a generally good person things should work out in the end. That theory is still under scrutiny though *sigh*. I'm also hoping that I'm good at CG. Or at least get better. Or discover some hidden interest. Something! Time will tell...

Anyway, =)

Exams
Got 19 out of 20 for my creative writing, and it wasn't prewritten! =)
The given topic was "Nightmare", and I came up with an idea of a guy getting drunk, and waking up a few hours later to see a huge sparkling diamond on the finger of his girlfriend =) Marriage for him is one helluva phobia lol
I think a majority of my marks would have come from some of the sentences like:

She gave him such a cute look that it made bunny rabbits seem aggressive =)
Ryan walked into the kitchen, wearing a grimace that would make the dead feel sorry for him

Of course, these aren't the exact quotes, mainly because I haven't gotten the story back yet

Of beautiful people, conversations, arguments and romance
Beautiful people are commonly thought of as a little stupid, but is that true?
My personal thoughts are that "normal people" usually spend much more time reading or something similar to that, even if they are quite active socially, but with "beautiful people" they spend a very large majority of their time on a superficial basis, parties, friends, walking around and showing off, etc. I wouldn't take me as the best resource by the way, just a personal theory =)

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Conversations & Arguments
I'd like to try and find out why the main conversations and arguments take place. Here's my small compiled list so far... (by the way, thought about this while on the bus)

Actually, I won't list them quite yet. I just noticed as I was writing them down I was making a sweeping generalisation in some of my comments. Not very realistic at all. But the main one is that people usually find things interesting if they are immediately related to themselves. For example, I asked on a mailing list, instead of "What should I do to get into the industry" I asked people "What would you do if you could start again?". From that, people listed a vast resource of things they HAVE done, and whether that worked, and what they WOULD have done, and how they thought that would work... Very thought provoking stuff they wrote

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Romance, Romance, Romance =)
I'm always wondering how you should go by "romance" (instead of love, I use the word romance, because it isn't just love. Love doesn't come and go like the tide, and it doesn't relate to the lower level feelings like having a crush or an attraction etc)

Should you ask any and every girl you have a chance? Wouldn't that make you a little sluttish, and also, wouldn't you compare all the girls with other girls you have had before? Won't you just begin to expect more and more?

Should you wait on that one who you think is the dream of dreams? What happens when you find out you've been building her up in your head, having a fake perception of her? Or when they turn you down, and you've been thinking for all this time that she is the perfect? What then, fallen one?

Should you try to separate yourself completely?

Or should you wait till someone comes to get you

In wrapping
My mum has just arrived, or will be arriving soon (I thought I heard her car, I guess I was wrong) there are about a million things fighting for attention in my head at the moment, and none are getting that which they deserve... Strange huh

Sorry, the planet you are attempting to destroy is incompatible with your Death Ray =P

*Listening - Bring Me to Life

Oh man I love making up quotes =P That was pretty weak I assure you, but it's none the less a good way to start the post.

Exams
97.54% in Computing exam... Oh yay... =)
Obviously you may notice my lack of enthusiasm. At my school, I don't seem to really have a choice to skip Years for my computing studies, but I am SO far ahead of everyone it isn't funny. *sigh* Time will tell...

Of midnight and drawing
At a few minutes before midnight last night, my dad caught me drawing... Dang eh? The really annoying thing is that I go to bed at midnight, that's my time to go to bed. If he had come in only 5 minutes later he wouldn't have saw the light coming out of my room. My dad really doesn't understand that my dad never works out how it's supposed to, and that night for me is the only time to make up for the mistakes of day. Getting better at drawing though. Only marginally, but if I don't have that I don't have anything eh? =)

Commitment of Interest
To make sure I keep improving in my attempt to become an artist (unlike others I do not assume that I am an artist, being an artist is much more than drawing on paper or making a beautiful model)

Every week I shall attempt to produce:
* At least one purely original drawing
* A 3D artwork
* Attempt to write in my blog and come up with some creative/crazy ideas =)

Just a note, I will not be posting everything I write, draw, or render up here. I don't have the webspace for it, and I don't really think there is an audience to be listening.

To want to do so much, and yet achieve so little
I want to write a book, become a traditional (pens, paint, paper) and digital (3D graphics, digital painting) artist, and to be happy, and all of these seem to be out of reach to me... Maybe I am diluting my interests too much... Maybe I'm talking more than I'm walking... Whatever it is, it's not going well... Gotta work on that =)

Wrapping up
Well, it's 9:37 now, and I can feel that my dad's going to walk up to me, try and steal a peek at my screen, and then say in childish tones "Time to go to bed Stephen, without sleep you won't be a good boy..."
Either way, I'll stay up quite a bit longer, how at the moment I'm not exactly sure, but by the time I finish cleaning my teeth I'll have an escape plan ready =)
(dad just switched off the kitchen light, he's coming for me)
Nitey nite, before he gets a peak at my screen =)

For the craving of creativity

*Listening - LotR _again_*

Creativity... Creativity... The real sense of the word, the inherent genius behind the gears of the world's clock...
And I'm not born with it... lol...

New Technique Coming Up!
Okay, while browsing the Daily Sketch Group, I have arrived at the conclusion that my previous method is good, but could possibly be more advance. Considering that in the world there is an infinite number of ideas and choices, letting my humble mind bumble down to only one conclusion is a little shallow.
So, I am thinking of a new way to add some creative iterations.
Categories include:

Time - Future? Past? Present? Have a pick from the history of the Earth! You have a hunter,
Is he a hunter of the past, spear in hand wearing an outfit that would make Tarzan blush,
Or is he from the not so past past, a knight armed with a traditional mace and chain, wearing heavy leather armour following tracks in the mud,
Or even the present, (mad detective style) featuring multiple layers of magnifying glasses, wearing a slightly singed and dirtied suede jacket, staring at a group of select cards in his hand (lets say for insanity's sake its a joker who's got a sling shot, a queen just saved by a Prince only to find he is already married, and a king who has a suspiciously ominous shadow!)
Or the future, with a sly female spy agent against a wall, pony tail wrapped into a tight spray of fine hair, lipstick in hand. Well, maybe that's going a little strange =)

Angles - Smooth? Sharp? Angles exhibit the creators geometrical fascinations, and is commonly used in evil instruments and architecture, while smooth may exhibit the plump face of a friendly barman.

Ample? - Is the character fat (wealth, carelessness for personal image) or thin (undernourished, poor, self-conscious)

Movement - Is it a slow lumbersome movement, meaning great mass or age, or a quick darty movement, emphasising youth and agility.

Social Class - Rich, poor, famous, common. All these influence certain characteristics about them. Could you imagine a poor dragon, who ends up using passed down flames or burrows =P

Fusion - Already got a goblin? Throw a crown into the mix, ta-da! Goblin King, owner of the deeps, danger of the wealthy travellers.

Antithesis - You have a kind old bunny rabbit, carefully sitting ontop of a present, happy to see the world go by... Boring right? Well, ok, a fat mean bunny rabbit, who is viciously ripping apart your present, pieces of wrapping paper flying into the air like a spray of limbs =P

Human Or Animal - Are they based on mainly human or mainly animal characteristics... Earl Bird? etc etc

Anyway, got to go, dad's about to rip my head off...